Are you the source of the dysfunction?

You may have heard me talk about my very red, extremely active, and extraordinarily, exuberantly, high-strung Golden Retriever, Gumbeaux, or Beaux for short (Yes, we keep the ‘x’ on Beaux because we don’t want to confuse the dog’s name with a human’s name).

Anyway, one thing that we learned about Beaux pretty early on is that we needed to have a fenced in yard, we needed to keep him on a leash when we go walk in the afternoons, and we had to train him by popping him with the newspaper when he misbehaves (Believe me, he fears the newspaper!).

In other words, he needs us to set boundaries for him, otherwise, he’d be swimming in the bayou every day, eating pizza off the countertop, and would bark at us constantly to play fetch.

Essentially, he would be obnoxious – and would be in danger – without rules and being taught what behaviors are allowed and not allowed in our family.

You, ma friend, likely created this mess. BAM! (In Emeril LaGasse’s voice.)

I hear a lot of leaders complain about their “problem child” or “high-maintenance employees.”  In fact, much of my business has been built around helping organizations solve their “people problems.”

I had a conversation with a client about one of these difficult employees, and I reminded her (of course with great love and affection), that we each train people how to treat us and yes, how to behave by what we tolerate and allow.

And BTW, the same is true for your organizational culture –

You’ve got what you’ve got because you’ve either created it or you’ve condoned it.

My client was a leeetle offended that I was essentially saying that her team member was behaving like a spoiled brat because she allowed him to do so.

Sorry, not sorry. The truth hurts. But she wasn’t paying me to coach her to tell her what she wanted to hear.

In fact, some of the most high-powered leaders that I’ve coached have struggled with this very same process at some point. 

Healthy leadership limits can take many forms:

• Your accessibility to the team after hours and on weekends
• Your willingness to solve their problems
• Your overseeing/micromanaging of their daily work

We allow people to encroach on that healthy space for different reasons:

• Sometimes it’s out of sincerely wanting to help
• Maybe it’s out of our own need to feel needed
• It could be a desire to feel important
• It might be a need to be in control 

None of these reasons are 100% bad or negative – in moderation. But like many things in life, I’ve found that a good behavior or practice, when overdone or used inappropriately can become unhealthy, harmful, or detrimental to others, and even to yourself, regardless of the reasons behind it. 

How you do one thing is how you do everything.

Okay now that I’ve totally ticked you off, where else in your life is this issue showing up?

Often the same issues, that we deal with in our work are present in other aspects of our life – and vice versa.

Do you need to set some healthy limits with your children, (regardless of their age), and stop bailing them out of their own messes?

(Yikes! Don’t look at me like that!)

Really think about whether you’re rushing in to prevent them from experiencing the consequences of their choices, (and in the process stressing yourself out and stretching yourself thin).

Or mayhaps you need to set some boundaries around the hours you’re putting in at work so you can get home earlier to enjoy quality time with your spouse and family.

You might even need to put some space around a particular friendship that is becoming overbearing or toxic. 

Instead of thinking of healthy boundaries as something that you do to limit how much you help others, remember that you serve others best by helping them to develop problem-solving skills and independence.

If this is resonating with you, I’m not saying you’re Wrongedy, Wrong, Wrong!

I am saying that you’re normal and that once you become aware that you’re doing this, then you have options. Do you want to continue with this behavior, or do you want to set some limits for the good of all concerned?

It’s your choice. And as always, I want to remind you to live and lead by choice, not by chance!

If you’d like to step into the role of CEO of your life, then my new program, Live and Lead by Choice is for you. 

To learn more, go to JenniferLedet.com/LLC, and if you like what you see, book a call with me ASAP!