I’m the first to admit that I live a privileged life. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t experienced challenges.
I have dealt with the decline and subsequent death of both of my parents, I’ve lost other people in my life, and I’m a wife and a mom and ya’ll know that both of those roles have challenges baked in. I’ve dealt with the “Pandurricane” (my pet name for devastating Hurricane Ida layered on top of the pandemic), and personal adversities that knocked me to my knees in prayer.
And the one thing I know for sure is that I am all the stronger for having gone through those things.
I certainly would not have ever asked to experience those “storms” in my life, but as I look back I’m able to see how those difficulties made me stronger, wiser, and more resilient as a result of having gone through them.
Growing up, both of my parents loved to garden. My mama liked any and all flowering plants and my daddy was all about his vegetable garden. And like everything else he did, Daddy had a system that he created to ensure that he had a productive garden.
That system included composting. Between you, me, and the gatepost, I hated that compost pile. We would trek out back every day with egg shells, coffee grounds, and other vegetable peelings and scraps. It was kind of gross and stinky and we had to keep turning it over with a shovel so that it would decompose.
But the fact is, those rotten, stinky food scraps served as fertilizer for the garden. The compost helped improve and enrich the garden soil so that the plants could put down a healthy root system. And a healthy root system means that the plant will have greater resistance to pests, insects, and disease, and will generally be more resilient in times of stress, like say droughts or storms.
You no doubt have had your share of challenges and storms in life. Maybe you’re experiencing a “storm” right now. If so, I’m not going to ask you to find the silver lining in it. (I also don’t want to get punched in the throat.)
You can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect the dots looking backwards.
This has been such a profound insight for me in my life.
When you’ve been through a tough experience or a tough season, it’s important to allow yourself some time to reflect on it. Not so you can relive the misery, but so that you can process and glean the nuggets – the lessons from it.
Educational philosopher John Dewey said,
Children learn by doing. Adults learn by reflecting on what they’ve done.
A powerful exercise that I have experienced and that I’ve used with my clients is one that I call Lifeline. I have my client reflect on her life – the good, the bad, and the ugly. (We even map it all out on a long sheet of craft paper.) There are the high points – those moments or even seasons in the sun. And of course, there are always valleys – the times when you were on the struggle bus.
I encourage you to do this exercise for yourself. Journal about the important inflection points – times where an event or experience sparked significant change. Note what lessons you learned in those challenges that then resulted in turning points for you.
Sometimes when you are in a dark place you think you have been buried, but actually you have been planted.
– Christine Cain
In the 1990s psychologists identified a phenomenon called post-traumatic growth. PsychologyToday.com defines Post-Traumatic Growth as “the positive psychological change that some individuals experience after a life crisis or traumatic event. Post-traumatic growth doesn’t deny deep distress, but rather posits that adversity can unintentionally yield changes in understanding oneself, others, and the world.“
I never knew it was a real “thing” before, I just knew that I had experienced this. I can tell you that I can do hard things, because I have done them. Each time I’ve come through a crisis or a challenge, I’ve grown stronger and more resilient. And I’m pretty sure you have too.
So whatever your hardship is, I’m sure it’s rotten and stinky and you would never have chosen to experience it. But you CAN choose to GROW through it.
Like compost in your garden, challenges will act like fertilizer, making you stronger, wiser, and more confident.
Embrace the growth, it may be that without the challenge, the growth could not have been as beautiful or powerful.
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Jennifer Ledet, CSP, is a leadership consultant and professional speaker (with a hint of Cajun flavor) who equips leaders from the boardroom to the mailroom to improve employee engagement, teamwork, and communication. In her customized programs, leadership retreats, keynote presentations, and breakout sessions, she guides leaders to live and lead by choice, not chance.
