Over the years I’ve heard clients across wildly different industries tell me the same thing.
Bankers say it.
Manufacturers say it.
I even heard it recently from someone in the boat-building business.
“At the end of the day, this business is all about relationships.”
And they’re right. But here’s the thing… their industry isn’t unique.
All business is about relationships.
People do business with people they know, like, and trust.
People follow leaders they know, like, and trust.
People refer, recommend, and go out of their way to help people they know, like, and trust.
Relationships are the currency of leadership. That’s why the way we build and nurture relationships matters so much as leaders.
Be the first to give.
Many years ago I heard a keynote speaker describe something she called “Palms up relationships.”
She held her hands out, palms up, and said, “This is how we should approach relationships — willing to give first before asking for anything in return.”
Huh. Offering to share something of value as an investment in the relationship.
That idea stuck with me. And I’ve tried to practice it ever since — sharing resources, making introductions, offering encouragement, helping people move their work forward whenever I can.
Because the leaders who make the biggest impact are rarely the ones guarding or hording what they know. They’re the ones who give freely.
The concept of generosity connects to another leadership principle I’ve always believed in:
Build relationships before you need them.
The worst time to start networking is when you’re desperate for something. People can smell that a mile away. Healthy professional relationships are built the same way healthy personal relationships are built — over time, through small moments of generosity, support, and connection.
Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, described this beautifully. He said that with every relationship we have, there’s something like an emotional bank account.
With each interaction, we’re either making a deposit or a withdrawal.
Deposits look like things such as:
• keeping your word
• offering encouragement
• sharing helpful information
• making an introduction
• giving credit where it’s due
Withdrawals look like things such as:
• breaking commitments
• ignoring people until you need something
• taking credit that isn’t yours
• only reaching out when you want help
I’m not a banker (nor do I play one on TV), but I know relationships work a lot like bank accounts – you can’t keep making withdrawals from an account you’ve never funded. Leaders who understand this principle are constantly making deposits in their relationships — not because they’re keeping score, but because they value the people around them.
It’s a two-way street.
Over time I’ve also learned something important about relationships.
Generosity builds relationships.
But reciprocity sustains them.
Have you ever bent over backwards to help a “friend” or colleague who needed advice, encouragement or introductions, and then ghost you when you needed something from them?
Yeah, me neither.
The truth is, not every relationship will be reciprocal. Unfortunately, I’ve learned this the harrrrddd way.
I always want to believe the best about people, but at some point you have to recognize when someone is simply a user of people and a taker of things.
Wise leaders eventually learn to notice the difference between someone who occasionally drops the ball… and someone who consistently shows up only when they need something.
Maya Angelou said it best: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
I also like to remind myself that there’s such a thing as karma, baby! When you encounter someone who is all about taking and never giving, it’s up to you to set a healthy boundary. I once heard someone say it this way:
You either receive equal investment… or you create peaceful distance.
At the end of the day, leadership is about people.
The leaders who make the biggest impact are the ones who invest in relationships — sharing what they know, helping others succeed, and making deposits in the emotional bank accounts around them.
Keep your palms up. Be generous with your time, encouragement, and connections.
And remember: the healthiest relationships are the ones where the investment flows both ways.
As you think about your own leadership, consider this:
Where are you intentionally making deposits in your relationships?
And where might it be time to create a little peaceful distance?
Strong relationships don’t happen by chance — they grow through consistent investment. Start making deposits today.
