Not to sound like Captain Obvious, but have you ever walked into a gym and noticed that just about every piece of equipment involves some form of resistance?
Weights. Bands. Machines.
Everything is designed to push against you. Because muscles don’t grow when things are easy. They grow because of resistance. (Apparently no one told this to my friend’s dad, who used to walk around the gym drinking coffee and talking everyone’s ear off, then brag that he had “worked out.”)
It’s the straining, struggling, and fighting to get one more rep in – that’s where you’re building strength.
As much as we’d often prefer to just press a button or drink a yummy shake and watch the muscles pop out, (just me?) it ain’t gonna happen without the resistance – at least not yet (I mean, seriously AI, what are you waiting for?).
There’s a story about a little boy who finds a butterfly struggling to emerge from its cocoon. It’s working… pushing… fighting to get out. And the boy feels bad for it. So he decides to help. He gently opens the cocoon to make it easier.
The butterfly comes out… But its wings are weak. It never develops the strength it needs to fly. Because what the boy didn’t understand is this: The struggle to get out of the cocoon is what pushes fluid into the wings.
No struggle… no strength.
The concept of resistance building strength doesn’t just apply to your physical body. Every time I think about that story, I think about us as leaders. Because how often do we do the exact same thing? We see someone struggling and we:
- step in
- smooth it over
- make it easier
We tell ourselves we’re helping. But sometimes (okay most of the time) we’re just opening the cocoon too soon.
This happens everywhere. At work. At home. Don’t even get me started about parenting. If you’ve ever let your kids “help” in the kitchen or clean up after themselves, you know… it takes longer, it’s messier, and it would be so much easier to do it yourself.
But when you always do things for them, they never learn.
Same goes for your team.
And although I’m a Recovering People Pleaser, I am not Judge Judy. I’ve made all the mistakes, I even made the good ones twice.
One of the biggest challenges for me when I started coaching—and even now if I’m not conscious and intentional – was learning to let silence do its job.
I’m a talker (Shocking, I know).
So when I’d ask a question and didn’t get an immediate answer, everything in me wanted to jump in. Clarify the question. Offer a suggestion. Help them get there faster.
Heck, just hand them the solution.
Instead, I had to learn to sit there… and say nothing. I had to let it be a little awkward, maybe even a little messy. To let them think and work through it.
Because sure—I could give them the answer. But then they wouldn’t build the muscle of figuring it out.
So how does this apply to you, as a leader? I hear it alllll the time—some version of: “If I delegate a task, I feel like I’m dumping my unpleasant work onto someone else.” Do you ever feel like that? (Women leaders, I see you)
I get it.
We’ve all probably experienced a form of that. And I agree, delegating without context, support, or development is dumping.
But when it’s done well, delegating is developing!
You’re giving someone the opportunity to develop a new skill, build confidence, and take ownership. And development requires effort. And effort requires… you guessed it…Resistance.
When leaders:
- fix every problem
- smooth every conflict
- make every decision
We don’t create stronger teams.
We create more dependent ones.
And just to be clear—this doesn’t mean you peace out after delegating or leave people hanging. It means you stay with them… without doing it for them (Try that when toddlers are loading your dishwasher!).
Think of yourself as their spotter in the gym – you’re there if they get in trouble. You let them lift it – or at least try to lift it on their own.
So ask yourself:
- Where might I be over-helping… and opening the cocoon too soon?
- What might change—for me and for them—if I took a step back… and let them wrestle with it?
I’d love to hear what resonates. Hit reply and share. I read every single one.
If being more intentional about how you show up as a leader is something you want more of, that’s a big part of the work I do with leaders and teams—through senior leadership retreats, keynotes, and leadership programs focused on the people side of business. Shoot me a message so we can chat!
