Hi ya’ll Jennifer Ledet here with some points to ponder for women who want to live and lead by choice, not by chance.

Let me ask you a rather provocative question: What does your big fat BUT look like? Now don’t get your panties in a wad. Believe me, I’m the last person who should be talking about anybody’s butt. No, I’m not talking about your backside. I’m talking about your….. “I’d love to do – fill in the blank – BUT….

I’ve been having conversations with women in mid-career, midlife and beyond, and the common thing I’m hearing time and time again, is that everybody’s going through something. And if that’s you, I feel ya. And I do not want to minimize your challenges in any way. I know I’ve had to deal with some doozies in my day.

But I also know that sometimes we need to look for the funny and the fun in life (or maybe that’s just me with my mama’s snarky sense of humor.)

You know the pandemic and the past three years have made us realize that life is so fragile, and in some cases, short. Many women realized that the way they had been working wasn’t really working. 

And they’d like to make some changes, BUT…

How about you, ma friend? What does your big, fat BUT look like? ….

For some it might look like: 

“I just don’t have the time!” OR

“I can’t afford to do that.” OR 

“I don’t have the education or training.” 

Or I could go on and on.

And, I hate to be a Betty Buzzkill, but many of those big, fat BUTs are coming from fear.

Listen I get it. Just the other day I caught myself responding to my coach’s suggestion with “Well, Yeah, BUT…”

Ya’ll know about the Yeah, BUTs, right? You don’t? Well, lemme tell ya, when someone says Yeah, BUT, that BUT negates everything that came before it. AND that BUT is usually a reason/aka EXCUSE for why you’re too chicken to do something. 

Let me tell you what I tell my clients, and what I told myself in that moment…

When you argue for your limitations, you’ll get to keep them Every. Damn. Time.

Let me repeat that for the gals in the back: When you argue for your limitations, you’ll get to keep them Every. Damn. Time.

And now, at the risk of adding insult to injury, you’re the one who’s made your BUT so big and fat. Your reason, aka excuse, for not doing the things you feel drawn to doing may not actually have to be such a big deal. 

You may have heard me talk about this a time or ten: small hinges can open big doors. Often when you can look at your big fat BUT from a different angle, it doesn’t look so enormous. Sometimes small tweaks can lead to big changes.

When you get other peoples’ perspectives on your big fat BUT, they can see opportunities that you can’t see. (You know, like asking “Does this make my BUT look big?)

So what can you do?

Well, I’d suggest you borrow a technique from improv, and it’s called the “Yes, and…” technique.

The next time you catch yourself sitting on your big, fat BUT and saying something like “Aw I wish I could do fill in the blank, BUT… replace that BUT with a Yes, and… 

For example, let’s say you’re thinking, “I’d love to apply for that promotion or that lateral transfer, BUT I don’t have any experience in sales.” Instead, try reframing it with the “Yes, and…” technique: “Yes, I don’t have experience in sales, AND, with my willingness to learn and solid track record, they may be willing to train me.” 

Or perhaps you’re contemplating, “I’d really like to travel more, BUT it’s too expensive.” Shift that thought to “Yes, travel can be expensive, AND I can explore budget-friendly options, plan strategically, or even consider alternative ways to explore new places.”

Another common one might be, “I want to change my career, BUT it’s too late.” Transform that thought to “Yes, it might be a shift at a later stage, AND many successful individuals have reinvented their careers later in life, so why not me?”

Remember, using the “Yes, and…” technique allows you to acknowledge your initial thoughts while expanding the possibilities beyond the limitations your big, fat BUT presents.

Hey listen, I’ll admit it takes some practice… You heard me just admit that I’m guilty of sitting on MY big, fat BUT from time to time myself. I’m thankful that I had my coach to call me out on it.

Speaking of which, maybe you’d like to have a coach, a guide on the side, aka moi, as well as a group of smart gals who are also in mid-career, mid life or beyond to point out that you’re sitting on your big, fat BUT – with great love and affection of course. 

Maybe you’d like to be a part of a group where members offer insights, share perspectives, support you, and cheer you on. Maybe you’d like some personal AND professional development on steroids!

If this sounds like what you need to make 2024 your best year yet, then you’ll want to grab your seat in my Live and Lead by Choice Women’s Community that will be launching in January. If you want to be on the list to be notified when the details are finalized and enrollment is open, simply email me at Jennifer@JenniferLedet.com and say “Put me on the list!” There’s no obligation, but you will be among the first to get all the details.

I would love to have you join us. And whether you like to get messages in your inbox, videos, or blog or social media posts, be sure to subscribe at Jenniferledet.com, and connect on LinkedIn and Twitter (X) where I’m @JenniferHLedet.

Okay until next time, remember to live and lead by choice, not by chance!