Hi ya’ll, Jennifer Ledet here with tips for women who want to live and lead by choice, not by chance.

Well, yesterday I was finally able to get out in the yard and plant my herb garden. I had the assistance of my granddaughters, ages 5, 4, and 2. Yeah, so you’re feeling me. I basically had to do it twice, because I had to redo it after they left. But it’s our tradition.

As your new gal pal, (we are gal pals, right?) I want to tell you something that might sting a bit at first, but I need you to hear me out. I say this with great love and affection, but, Boo, you are your own worst enemy. There, I’ve said it.

If I know you, (and I think I do), you’ve got this beautiful garden — an array of skills, talents, and potential that’s blooming within you. But here’s the kicker: I’ve seen you, ma friend, watering your garden with saltwater. Yep, I see you.

Imagine you’ve been working tirelessly to nurture your garden — your personal and professional goals, your dreams. You’re out there every day, tending to the soil, ensuring each plant gets just the right amount of water and sunlight.

But despite all your hard work, you’re unintentionally pouring saltwater — all those self-sabotaging habits and behaviors, like negative self-talk, playing small, and doubting your capabilities—onto your plants. And what happens?

This saltwater stunts growth and causes your precious plants to wither.

And when you self-sabotage, you’re not just shortchanging yourself, you’re also doing a disservice to your team, your organization, your family, and your friends.

Like Marianne Williamson famously said,

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

This is a shame-free zone.

Let me also lovingly say that there is no shame here. Buh-lieve me, I’m the last one who should be judging anyone. As your friend, I want to assure you of what I’ve learned for myself: Self-sabotage doesn’t make you less than, it makes you human. So please, for the love of all that is holy, give yourself some grace.

What’s your version of salt water?

• Perfectionism? Which, BTW is 1^st cousin to being a Control Freak. Super common among high-achieving women. This might translate to trying to do EVERYthing yourself – b/c obviously no one could do it as well as you.

 

• Over-thinking? To be really transparent, I’ve done my fair share of over-thinking while writing my new book. (Ain’t it funny how the universe gives us opportunities to walk our talk?) When I’m experiencing a case of analysis paralysis, it’s a good sign that I’m caught up in the weeds in my head. That’s when I know I need to zoom out, see the big picture, and drop into my heart and my gut. Ask yourself, “What’s really important here? What is my intuition telling me?”

 

• Inner critic?This pesky weed creeps into your garden quietly, and before you know it, it has spread everywhere. It’s that little voice that says, “You can’t handle this,” or “You’re not good enough to take on this project,”

 

• Playing small?  This. Right. Here. Playing small has been the bane of my existence. Playing small is like planting a large, vibrant tree in a tiny pot, never allowing it to grow to its full potential. It’s staying in the background, not voicing your ideas, not wanting to be seen, or shying away from opportunities that feel too BIG or risky.

I could go on and on. There are many ways that you might be self-sabotaging.

It’s important that you take a really hard look in the mirror. Ask for feedback from team members, peers, superiors.

Acknowledge the areas where you might be getting in your own way.

Remember this: Awareness gives you options! Once you’re aware that you have spinach in your teeth, then you can decide if you want to do something about it.

And then, I’d suggest you seek out a coach or a mentor. All professional athletes and performers have coaches. A coach will hold up the mirror to help you see what you can’t see for yourself.

I’d love to hear from you and what resonates with you.

Until next time, remember to live and lead by choice, not by chance!

 

You might also like:

Lead Like a Human

What Does Your Big Fat “But” Look Like?

Lead Yourself and Your Team Out of the Land of Stuck

Jennifer Ledet, CSP, is a leadership consultant and professional speaker (with a hint of Cajun flavor) who equips leaders from the boardroom to the mailroom to improve employee engagement, teamwork, and communication.  In her customized programs, leadership retreats, keynote presentations, and breakout sessions, she guides leaders to live and lead by choice, not chance.

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