You know the feeling, right? You tell yourself that tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow you’ll have everything under control, and you’ll finally get it all together. But deep down, you know it’s a lie you’ve told yourself a thousand times. And listen ma friend, take it from one who knows, there’s a high cost to this mindset, especially when fueled by perfectionism.

Caught in the perfectionism trap.

Perfectionism is a rascally rabbit (Said in my best Elmer Fudd voice). It dresses itself up as high standards and a strong work ethic, (uh huh I see you) but in reality, it’s a win/lose, all-or-nothing approach that can weigh you down and wear you out. Eventually, it’ll leave you burned out (Ask me how I know.)

Striving for perfection – lying to yourself and saying you’ll get it perfect – is really setting yourself up for failure, because perfection is an impossible standard.

The real kicker? This relentless pursuit doesn’t just exhaust you—it impacts everyone around you – your team, family, and friends. That pressure stifles creativity and breeds resentment. Mistakes will be feared rather than seen as opportunities for growth. Can you say toxic work environment?

My client, James, was embarking on a new, more demanding role. Now James is a strong, smart, capable leader who was really pressuring himself to “get it right.” When I pressed him to identify what that means, he said, “Not failing.” He defined failure as “falling short or not performing at the highest level.”

See, he didn’t say or identify what he was doing as striving for perfection, but that’s exactly what was going on. He believed that if he wasn’t perfect, he had failed.

Wrongedy wrong wrong! But oh, how I could relate.

Redefine success and failure.

We often tie our self-worth to our successes and failures. I’m just keeping it real here. But here’s the truth: failure doesn’t reflect on you as a person. It’s simply feedback. A wise mentor once told me, “Success isn’t about never failing; it’s about how you handle failure.” This shift in perspective is crucial. Instead of viewing failure as a dead end, see it as a detour—an opportunity to learn and grow.

The experimental approach.

Imagine life and leadership as a grand experiment. Instead of aiming for perfection, try out a plan of action, collect data, assess the outcomes, and refine the process. This experimental approach is less stressful and more effective. Why? Because it encourages learning and growth.

My practical tips to reframe success, failure, and perfectionism…

1. Set goals: Be realistic and clear on the direction you want to go but don’t obsess over the destination.
2. Celebrate: Recognize and celebrate progress – even the small steps forward. Wha?? Who’s got time to celebrate? So many leaders skip this step, but trust me, it really is important to build momentum and keep you – and your team – motivated.
3. Embrace failure as feedback: I know, I know. That’s so hard! But when things don’t go as planned, view it as valuable feedback. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” rather than, “What did I do wrong?” Know that when tension is up, retention and creativity are down.
4. Give yourself grace: Perfectionism often comes from harsh self-criticism – or in my case, mean self-talk (Am I the only one?). Remember, you’re human. Mistakes are part of the package.
5. Cultivate a growth mindset: Be the leader – for yourself and your team – who prioritizes learning and growth over being right or perfect. Admit your mistakes and be transparent. People don’t expect you to always be right. But they’ll respect you if you’re always real.
6. Integrate your life: “Work/life balance” is an illusion (IMHO). You’ll lean towards one aspect of your life or another. But make sure you don’t stay that way.Bake in time for recovery, rest, hobbies, and relationships. Taking a holistic approach to your life will enable you to nurture your well-being and keep burnout at bay.
7. Delegate and collaborate: Trust your team. This. Right. Here. Delegating tasks not only lightens your load but also strengthens and develops others. Rarely have I met a high-level leader who says they’re a great delegator. And without it, they’re on a path to… you guessed it – burnout. And besides, collaboration will lead to better solutions than you trying to go it alone.

Richard Bach says

The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

Ooof. That stings. As a recovering perfectionist, I’m also working on not lying to myself. The truth is, I may never have it all together. But one thing I’ve learned is that with less stress comes more success.  So, the next time you catch yourself in the perfectionism trap, remember: progress over perfection, always.

You might also like:

Lead Like a Human

What Does Your Big Fat “But” Look Like?

Lead Yourself and Your Team Out of the Land of Stuck

Through facilitated leadership team retreats, customized training programs, coaching, and keynote presentations with a hint of Cajun flavor, Jennifer Ledet, CSP,  provides leaders with tools to help them be more intentional and live and lead by choice, not by chance.

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