Growing up, I can remember my Mama saying “Good fences make good neighbors,” which I’ve come to realize is a reference to the fact that we all need to set – and keep – healthy boundaries.
This may be one of THE most important challenges I work on with my coaching clients. Many women I talk to feel like they’re being walked on, stepped over, crowded out, and disrespected. If this is something you struggle with on the regular, then you mayyy have a problem with setting and maintaining boundaries.
I often hear “They don’t respect my boundaries!” from clients and colleagues. But remember you’ve got to lie down before people can walk on you.
So, the question is, are you respecting your own boundaries?
Wait, exactly what is a boundary?
I used to think that a boundary is something we set for other people so that they’ll behave the way we want them to. Mayhaps you think this way too? Wrongedy wrong wrong! I have since learned that this is not boundary setting, it is manipulation.
Newsflash: You can’t control how other people behave and you can’t change the way other people act. Period. You’ll wear yourself out trying and bring yourself down in the process (Ask me how I know).
So, a boundary is not something you set for another person. It’s an action you decide – you’ll take if someone does something that violates either your physical or emotional space. You decide ahead of time what you will or will not allow or tolerate.
It reminds me a little of when I had to take a computer science class in college (ew, I just experienced PTSD from saying that), and we had to create these IF/THEN flowcharts. You’re essentially creating the same type of flowchart when you set a boundary. IF (this happens, insert circumstance, behavior or action of someone), THEN (I’ll do ___________).
After working with many clients in this area, I’ve got to admit that women seem to have a harder time setting and keeping boundaries. And for good reason. We’ve been conditioned by society to be accommodating, to refuse no requests, to nurture others at the expense of ourselves, to sit quietly and to be a good girl. I mean, seriously, who remembers the commercial with the jingle, “She can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. She’s a woooman…”
Well, I may have said it before, but I’ll say it again: You can have everything. Just not all at the same time. Good, healthy boundaries help you to manage it all. Otherwise, with all of the demands on you, you’ll end up sacrificing your sanity and it’ll suck your soul.
So, my question for you is, where in your life do you need to set some boundaries?
If you’d like to have support, a sounding board, the wisdom of a coach and some smart, successful women who have your back, I’ve got you! My Live and Lead by Choice women’s community will do just that.
To learn more go to Live and Lead by Choice and then schedule a call to see if it is a right fit for you.
I’d love to hear what resonates with you. Until next time, remember to live and lead by choice, not by chance!
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What Does Your Big Fat “But” Look Like?
Lead Yourself and Your Team Out of the Land of Stuck
Through facilitated leadership team retreats, customized training programs, coaching, and keynote presentations with a hint of Cajun flavor, Jennifer Ledet, CSP, provides leaders with tools to help them be more intentional and live and lead by choice, not by chance.
